Retreating in Ireland

Noughaval church (upper left) is from the 12th Century. It was not on our maps or in our plan. We stumbled upon it after missing an unmarked ancient burial mound.

I approached this retreat without a goal. I had an intention to be present and to move with my energy; to allow the retreat to unfold. As we face our last week, I wonder if I didn't really have a secret wish for a great "aha" or a creative break through. Instead, so far, I have had a series of little lessons. Dis-mantling Fear Early on I did remembered about the power of fear - driving on the wrong side on these narrow roads at high speeds is terrifying. At times when facing a large upcoming vehicle on my left and a stone wall on my right, I felt like I closed my eyes and prayed I had threaded the needle. (I only told Ellie this much later.) After we arrived in our cottage, we did not use the car for a few days. Then we booked a spa day at the Falls Hotel, only 15 miles away. As the car trip approached, I realized how debilitating my fear was; imagining hitting walls and fire-filled crashes. Once I noticed where my mind was going, my first instinct was to deny it, not give it energy. That was not working; so instead I journaled about the fear. It began to disapate right away. With my fear faced, I practiced centering and visualization. The day before the trip, I imagined driving with ease. I did this as I was falling asleep and again in the morning. And I repeated the basic centering practice I learned from Wendy Palmer.

The ride there was OK, periodically I did a quick centering. The drive home was much better; I felt more in control. Now it is almost like getting into the car at home, almost...

Two lane road on Inisheer, Aran Islands

Submit yourself to the risk of truly becoming. John O'Donohue

We did not know at the time of booking our cottage we were very near where John O'Donohue grew up and is now buried (dying at the age of 52 in early 2008). His first book captured our attention as we thought about naming our women's leadership program Anam Cara (soul friend). His words did not touch me then; now his words are like salve for my weary soul. We listened to one of his last interviews with Krista Tippet and I am reading more of his books as we sit in the landscape that inspired him. Here are just a small samplings of quotes from his website, books and radio show that I am pondering:

Time has become the enemy. Stress is a perverted relationship with time.

Where you are understood, you are home.

When you put energy outwardly, it takes something from the inside. We are debilitating ourselves. We need to learn the art of inwardness. (paraphrase)

There are many more blessings and words that have touched me. Instead of writing more, I am spending the next few days reflecting on them. Note: The photo is a view from his gravesite in Fanore.

Composing a life

Each of us is an artist of our days; the greater the integrity and awareness, the more original and creative our time will become. John O'Donohue

My life is a musical composition; my choices and reactions are the notes. It is hard to see what I am composing. I can see other people's story-line more clearly. My sister and I were reflecting on our mother's life. She did not have much joy. Neither of us remember her laughing. We do remember her anger. It is sad to know she had choices that she did not see. What choices do I not see or hear? If I stop; if I can find stillness for a period of time I may see my composition more clearly. As a person gifted with the ability "to do", it can take a long time. I can get like Lake Superior when the wind has whipped her into formidable waves. Even though the wind has slowed, settling takes time. I am grateful for my day-to-day reflective practices that I have learned over the years. These are like the spaces between the waves. I can sometimes notice discordant notes; make different choices

And on retreat, I become quiet. The still pond reflects. I may get a new perspective on my melody. How do I compose my moments, my days, my life? What life-affirming choices need to be made?

Positive mindsets help you perform better when challenged

The January/February Harvard Business Review explores the value of happiness. Lots of interesting information in this edition. Just wanted to share one study that gave me hope. This is from the article entitled "Positive Intelligence" by Shawn Achor. He shows a direct causality between life satisfaction and business results. Here is one example, in 2008, they worked with tax managers during tax season to see if they could make them happier. The tax managers could chose between one of five activites:

-jot 3 things they were grateful for
-write a positive message to someone in their support group
-meditate at their desk for 2 minutes
-exercise for 10 minutes
-take 10 minutes to write in their journal the most meaningful experience of the last day

They were do to their chosen exercise daily for 3 weeks. It made a significant difference in their life satisfaction - a measure that has a strong correlation with productivity. The effect was still measurable after 4 months.

I love this because it shows it doesn't take much to make a big difference!

Art of intentional living

Just posted the July radio shows - 2 summarize interviews I did on the art of intentional living. It is only 2 five minute segments so I am sure I will have more to say on the subject. Enjoy!

Gratitude

My friend Pat is posting a gratitude each day on Facebook. What a wonderful idea! I know how much a daily gratitude practice deepens my perspective and elevates my mood. I am not sure I will post every day, but I will focus on restoring my daily practice. In one study, they found remembering 3 blessings a day elevated the mood of chronically depressed adults. I am not depressed, but I tend to lose myself in daily tasks, planning and the mundane. I need to remember how much I have to be grateful for...

Today I am grateful that I had time for a quiet cup of tea, journaling and a good conversation with my husband.

Remembering my Mother

It seems ironic to need an urn just weeks before our official launch of Studio Formå. My mother, Janet Davison Thayer, passed away in July. She had been ill with congestive heart failure for a long time. Still dealing with this loss and all of the tasks that come with death has been hard.

Mom did indicate she was to be cremated and to be buried (along with her husband) in the family plot in NJ. But she never said anything about her urn. Three factors influenced our choice for a commissioned urn:
• She loved art
• She valued being fiscally conservative
• And we (her 4 children) wanted something special to honor her time on this earth

Tom suggested a simple bronze box with something sketched on the outside to reflect her life. He was a bit taken back when we brainstormed 6 different items. He wasn’t sure he could do it; he did and I love the final product.

Tom did not put a protective coating on. As we admire the urn between now and Oct 14 when we inter her ashes, our finger prints become part of the finish.

I imagine a thousand years from now an archeologist discovering this bronze beauty. Looking at the box she will know a bit about Mom’s life and see from this unique urn that she was loved.